<Satire>
That Ann Coulter, what a visionary. As far back as 2007, she said that “women should not have the right to vote” and now Congress is finally catching up to her.
Hell, yes, I want it to be as hard as possible for me, a woman, to vote and the SAVE Act intends to do just that. It’s being fast-tracked in the House and is sure to pass, and if the Senate confirms it, it will mean a lot of people are in for a big voting surprise come next election.
I mean, I’m kind of sad now that I changed back to my birth name after my divorce because now it agrees with my birth certificate. So, it will easily prove that I’m a citizen worthy of voting.
And proving citizenship is what it’s all about. And thank goodness that the SAVE Act is going to bullet-train us to that goal. If you’re born here, you get a birth certificate, but if you change your name somewhere along the way, well, sister, you are on your way to disenfranchising yourself.
Who says women aren’t powerful? We can take votes away from ourselves just by taking someone else’s name. Still, I know that it was some man behind the idea. Making it hard for women to vote whose birth certificates don’t comport with their legal names is such an ingenious ploy.
Sure, women might be able to present passports when they go to vote. But we’re not going to tell women to make sure they have all their legal ducks in a row before the next election, are we?
And dammit, I also changed my passport so that all my vital documents show the same exact name. Silly, silly me. What WAS I thinking?
This just goes to show that I don’t know what I’m doing. I cannot be trusted to vote. Ann Coulter was right. She’s one smart cookie, ya know? And ahead of her time by almost two decades. I mean, nobody but Ann was saying this back then.
Back then, women thought we had every right to vote, that our foremothers had fought so long and hard, that we wanted to celebrate the fruits of that struggle.
But that’s not a good thing, right, Ann? Why would we want that? Why would we want to succeed or want success for others? We don’t want enlarged capacity and self-determination. We want hard hearts. We want to perpetuate the false cowboy narrative of going it alone.
Furthermore, we don’t want the word to get out about the SAVE Act. Education is dangerous and leads to democratic (and Democratic) thinking. As Ann says, ““If we took away women’s right to vote, we’d never have to worry about another Democrat [sic] president.” Of course, some women have seen the light and have fully embraced voting against their own best interests and will never vote for one of those Democrats.
The SAVE Act would also “help” other people not worry about how they will get to the polls. They won’t have the right credentials to vote, and that will save them having to ask for time off work to stand in line and hope against hope the polls don’t close before they reach the end of the line. What a load off their minds.
Yes, sir, this SAVE Act is just such a blessing for so many and not just women. Anyone who’d have difficulty proving citizenship will be SAVEd the trouble of voting. Any pesky voters who might pull the lever for a higher minimum wage or better health care or lower drug and grocery prices or who want to bolster the social safety net, well, never mind all that.
Congress will simplify your life and mine, so let’s go back to our lives and fret over how we’re going to make rent or buy groceries this month. We have enough to worry about. Ann Coulter and Congress are sure we are not capable of understanding the situation by ourselves.
</Satire>