Travesty Island
Where all your mantasies come true
Recently Jared Kushner (JK) and his wife, Ivanka Trump acquired the island Sazan from Albania and plan to spend $1.4 billion developing it into a resort. Imagine the president paying a visit:
45/47: (looking around) Well, Jared, I guess we can’t call this the Big Beautiful Island. I would have bought a much bigger one.
JK: This was Albania’s biggest island, sir.
45/47: And you got a good deal?
JK: We’re investing 1.4 billion.
45/47: A deal the likes of which this world has never seen. Even if it is small.
JK: (sotto voce) At least it’s not shaped like a mushroom.
45/47: So, this was a military base, they tell me.
JK: Perfect for development. The runways are in excellent shape. Trump Force One had no trouble landing, and we’re less than a thousand miles from Slovenia. Melania can visit her family.
45/47: I don’t want her to know about this.
JK: Well, it’s been in the news, sir.
45/47: You think she pays attention to the news? All she does is drool over the Kardashians.
JK: (sotto voce) Probably wishing she’d married Kaitlin Jenner instead of you.
45/47: What’s that?
JK: Also, it’s only a hop, skip, and a jump to Russia.
45/47: (looking around again) Say, aren’t there any women around here?
JK: Sir, given how you have a connection with a certain person on an island with a lot of women—
45/47: What is it with everybody? The media, now you, my own son-in-law. I was never there!
JK: Of course, sir.
45/47: Where are your employees?
JK: We are working to get people out of CECOT, sir and Alligator Alcatraz. It’s been surprisingly difficult, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, I guess.
45/47: I don’t know anything about anything, you know that.
JK: Indeed.
45/47: What about the natives?
JK: The natives, sir?
45/47: Yeah, the Albinos.
JK: The Albanians left on the first boat out.
45/47: We’d better get ICE to bring them back.
JK: ICE, sir? That’s not how that--
45/47: I saw some very ugly buildings. Barracks or something. Tear all that down.
JK: The buildings are the least of the issues. There’s undetonated ordnance that has to be located.
45/47: Unexploded, you say. . .hmm. That gives me an idea for Alligator Alcatraz. What’s the name of this place again? Sashay? Saran?
JK: Sazan.
45/47: We need to change that.
JK: Yes. We’re going to name it Jaranka.
45/47: (shakes his head) Trump Tropical Island.
JK: Well, it’s not exactly the tropics, sir.
45/47: I’ll be wearing a white suit, just like that TV show.
JK: Sir?
45/47: Yeah, I’ll be like that guy on that TV show.
JK: Sir?
45/47: Fantasy Island. I’ll be that guy, Roan or Roke.
JK: (no response)
45/47: You know. Fantasy Island.
JK: You keep saying that.
45/47: The TV show with Ricardo Mandelbaum and that little guy, R2-D2.
JK: I don’t know it, sir.
45/47: It was a great show, a great show. Not as great as my TV show, but a great show.
JK: Hear that? (looks skyward again) Eric and Don Jr. will be here any minute.
45/47: Well, time for your line.
JK: Pardon?
45/47: Time to say the line. The line. Say the line.
JK: What line?
45/47: The little guy always said to his boss, “The plane. The plane.” Since you were so nasty to me about Epstein, that’s your line.
JK: If anyone’s the boss here—
45/47: Say the damn line, Jared.
JK: The pain, the pain.
If only it was a farce.
Great farce. Seems very plausible!